So I was originally going to write one post about all my babies and post it the day before baby girl arrives this week. I got started writing and just writing about Baby #1 the post was already over 300 words, so I decided to make it a week long series telling you about each one of my kids one day this week leading up to Baby Girl’s arrival on Friday. This first post is not a happy one, and I apologize for that, but I didn’t want to leave out the hopes and dreams tied up in Baby #1.
My husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first baby right around our first anniversary. We were so excited! I remember we went on our anniversary trip to St Augustine for a weekend and we’d lay in bed and talk about the baby in the mornings and everything was just so exciting thinking about starting our family. A few weeks after we got home from our trip I started bleeding, a LOT. Charlie couldn’t get out of work so I went to the appointment by myself to the ultrasound. I immediately knew that the baby had died because I could no longer see it moving on the monitor. I had to go into the office and talk to my OB on the phone since it wasn’t even done by him. He immediately scheduled me for a D&C the next morning. I had no idea there were options of having the baby naturally, I just did what I was told. I went in the next morning and it was like a haze. I remember getting the IV and asking how long it would take for the drugs to kick in. The next thing I knew I was coming out of surgery in the recovery room. It was a bad dream that didn’t go away for a long time. Still, over 10 years later, I question things like “What if the ultrasound was wrong?” I saw the baby not moving, but never getting to touch, feel, hold, see for myself… makes it hard to process.
We never did find out if the baby was a boy or a girl so it never got a name. I never got any kind of keepsake from carrying that baby for 12 weeks except for my memories. Do you have a miscarriage story? Feel free to link up if you’ve told it on your blog.