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How my past shaped my future

two heartsI was taking a silly quiz this morning on Facebook asking me which of the top 250 movies I’ve seen before. I think I got a 65. It got me thinking, though, because as I clicked some of the movies I would think about whom I watched those movies with in my past. I then started thinking about some of those people (guys) and how they shaped who I chose for my husband. They had certain personality traits that made me want to find a man like that.

Mike #1- He was my best friend throughout middle school and we were still close in high school, though not AS close. When I think of Mike, I think of love. Not in the way that I loved him, but he was always very loving and caring. He was one of those guys that carried his heart on his sleeve. He was good to everyone and just wanted goodness in return. He had a great sense of humor and watched silly movies like Monty Python. What I got most from him though was that I wanted someone to love me the way Mike would love.

Mike #2- He was my crush throughout middle school. We never quite got together as boyfriend and girlfriend.  When I think of this Mike, I think of fun. The two of us would hang out at Mike #1’s house and play basketball and just goof around. I wanted someone like him in my life that I could just play with. He was such a fun loving guy. Twenty something years later and I still remember his mom made the best tacos, too. Maybe someday I’ll ask him how she makes them!

Mike #3- When I was in eighth grade, he was in sixth. I really liked him at that point. He was kind of the nerdy kid that all the “cool kids” picked on. We were on a band trip and I remember some of the boys wanting to dump him in a dumpster. I put an end to that. This Mike, and yes, I knew a lot of Mikes, was very passionate. He LOVED his music. One thing that stands out to me about him from my past was his passion. I wanted someone that could be as passionate as him.

Matt- He was a short time high school boyfriend, but a friend for a long time after. He was goofy! I loved that I could talk on the phone with Matt for hours, though. I realized from him that I wanted someone I could talk to and never get bored.

There were many other guys that came and went from my life. They mostly taught me what I DIDN’T want in a husband! I think these four really helped me see who I wanted in my life, though.

PromCharlie, my husband, is my high school sweetheart. We met in the middle of our freshman year. He was my friend’s boyfriend and she said “You have to meet my boyfriend because you have the same birthday.” Um, they didn’t stay boyfriend and girlfriend much longer after that and neither did we stay friends. Charlie and I had an on again/off again relationship through high school but it was always me doing the breaking up- wanting to explore my options. I’m so glad we ended up together, though. So for the points I made above:

Love: Charlie loves me and his family so much. I don’t know what I’d do without his love.

Fun: Having been together as long as we have, we’ve definitely shared our moments of fun. I think at this point in our lives the fun is more reserved for the kids, but I absolutely love watching him have fun with them and making them laugh and giggle.

Passion: When I met Charlie, he was passionate about drumming and making it big time. He once told me he could never love me more than he loves his drums. I’ve long surpassed that, but that passion in him isn’t gone. He just uses his passion in different ways now. He’s passionate about taking care of me and the kids, he’s passionate about his family, he’s passionate about his work, and I think he’s still very passionate about music; he just doesn’t have the time that he wants with it.

Companionship: I could still talk to Charlie for hours. It doesn’t matter what we talk about, but I never get tired of talking to him.

WeddingThese are just some of the qualities that make him my best friend and the best husband I could ask for. Do we have our rough moments? Sure! Who doesn’t, but they pass quickly and they don’t make me love him less. April will be our 11th marriage anniversary, but we’ve known each other and been together on and off for 20 years. That’s so hard to believe.

Paula and Charlie

Do you have guys in your past that you think helped shape your pick of a husband for better or worse?

About Paula

Paula Krueger considers herself a “baby “chef, not because she cooks for babies, but because she’s still learning how to cook. She started this blog after taking Wilton method classes and at that point was more interested in baking. She’s since become more interested in learning to cook as her family has grown. She also covers product reviews and travel as well.


  1. I definitely have guys that shaped who I picked for a husband – Aaron, CJ and Michael. CJ taught me the most about what I did NOT want in a husband. Michael & Aaron taught me everything I did want.

    I ADORE that wedding photo of you guys!
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  2. Kim @ What's That Smell? says:

    Wow that prom photo!

    I didn’t date a whole lot actually. I think most of them (I can count boyfriends on one hand and have a finger left over) definitely led me to Ed because he was so different than they were. I remember my friend when she finally met him after we were engaged took me aside and asked me if I was “sure” because he totally did not seem like my type based upon past boyfriends. 13 years later, I’m pretty sure LOL.

  3. I am always telling teenagers that this is the important part of dating, male/female friendships in high school. Not that you’ll meet the one (although you did), but that you’ll get to try on different personality types and see what you like, what you don’t, to pick a keeper when you do!

    For me, my other boyfriends/crushes are so so different than my husband! He’s not what my type was before, but in a lot of good ways that work so much better than the others. I can really be me with him. With the others, I was always trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be.

    Good post!
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  4. That’s really sweet. Did you actually date 3 “Mikes” or are those to protect an identity?
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  5. I think its probably good that Charlies name was not Mike or Matt! LOL. Did you ever notice all the M names?
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    • I did and I laughed yesterday when writing it. Plus my Dad’s name is Matt and my brother’s name is Mike. 🙂

  6. What a great post idea!

    I dated a guy, total jerk… he cheated on me RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME at a popular weekend hangout for all the kids our age (we were like, 14). Seriously? Later I learned he was a serial cheater and even abusive, so while I feel sorry for the girls he dated after me, I’m glad it wasn’t me!
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  7. I loved the prom picture as well as all the others! i had dated 2 guys in my life (one was abusive and another one fathered my 3 kids).
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  8. Actually, I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to dating… engaged once to a great guy, but it wasn’t meant to be – then I found and married my husband.

    I love your photos!
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  9. I love that you wrote this. Very sweet and thoughtful and you and your husband look so cute together! <3 It's nice to hear a good love story sometimes!
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  10. Aw, I love this post! My husband is actually the first person I dated! 🙂 He is the best….there have been guys I had crushes on before but no one compared to him!
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  11. I only seriously dated one guy before meeting my husband. But that guy definitely showed me everything I did not want in a man. So I guess the answer is yes!
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  12. What a wonderful post! No, no though. My past boyfriends were jerks! I had a guy I dated for almost 2 years in middle/high school and toward the end hitting started. I ended it the first hit. My husband and I have known each other since I was 13, dated at 15 broke it off and have been together since I was 17! he is my love, my life, my everything!
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  13. For sure! Although, I’m not really sure I listened to my own concerns about my exes, but – it all turned out OK in the end 😀
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  14. That’s really sweet. And I can see this happening several times in my life, not just with my partner, but to analyze how I got here from any number of circumstances.
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  15. You really had a Mike fetish! LOL. And aren’t you adorbs at prom? <3
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  16. This is so sweet! My husband and I just celebrated our 13th anniversary this weekend… I know my past relationships definitely played a part in helping me choose the perfect husband.
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  17. I didn’t date many people other than my husband but even the few I did date showed me loud and clear who I didn’t want to marry. I’m so thankful to have met my husband. We’ve been married nearly 22 years and I can’t imagine my life without him.

  18. Absolutely. I think every relationship I had helped me be a better person and even the bad ones taught me what I knew I did NOT want in a husband. 🙂
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  19. Aww, I love all the photos! You guys are such a cute couple. As for me…my fiance was the first guy to really be in my life so I always say that I got to bypass all the time-wasters and find the perfect guy right off the bat. 🙂
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  20. You heart breaker you!! I can’t believe you stole your friend’s boyfriend, that is hilarious 🙂 I actually married my husband because he was the complete opposite of everyone I had ever dated. All of my ex boyfriends turned out to be total psychos, so I figured once I met someone who wasn’t “my type” I better marry him fast. LOL We’re still together 12 years later!
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  21. Wow, Your post really got me thinking about the guys in my life that helped shape who I am now. I def had a few dates that taught me what I didn’t want in a guy.
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  22. yes. lots xD and they weren’t really even boyfriends they were just doods i hung out with cause i dont really get along with my own species.
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  23. I really didn’t have a lot of dating experience before my ex-husband, a little but not a lot. I’m not sure I really knew what I wanted and needed in a partner until well into the marriage.

    I love traveling memory lane with you!
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  24. I have a couple of ex’s and I think all the people in your past shape who you are today. I probably got a little too jaded after my son’s father and was single for many years which was good because I was single when I met my husband and he had just came off a bad break up.
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  25. This was a sweet post!! I have wayyyy too many boyfriends to determine who has shaped my future, lol. I’m still single! But, i agree that the guys I have dated have made me realize what i DON’T want in a husband!

  26. I mostly have guys that showed me what a husband should NOT be. Let’s just leave it at that.
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  27. That was so interesting! I dated a lot of Mikes too, lol. I’m thankful for all of the guys I dated – the awesome ones and the duds. Somehow they all played a part in me ending up with my husband, so it all went perfectly. 🙂
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  28. I’ve always thought it was interesting that the way a person makes you feel really affects the people you choose to be around in the future, whether it be a friend or boyfriend!
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